They can pretend
by imnotjkr
Summary: People can love and live and die, but how well do you know them? After all, it's so easy to pretend. LEJP SSHP unrequited LESB JPRL


They can pretend. It's not that difficult. He can look at her and see brown instead of red and amber instead of green. He can hear moans and pretend that they're falling from his love's pale lips, not her red ones. She can look at him and see grey instead of hazel. They avoid running hands through each others hair. It can never be long enough for her. It will always be too long for him.

They can pretend. It's not that difficult.

They don't even try to pretend to each other that they're in love. It's not worth it. The lies are too thin. And when the wrong name comes out at the wrong moment, neither can complain. They've both made the same mistake before.

They don't protest when one runs to the other in tears that they need to be kissed away. They know what's happened without a word, and they know that it's not worth asking. That just makes it hurt more.

They get married. And they truly do care about each other. But they know it's not love, so they don't say the words. They can't lie to each other, not when the other knows them so well. Then their son comes along. And neither can say that they don't love him, but neither can say that if they had the option, the child would not be both of theirs. He would be two children, his and hers.

Both their loves are at the christening. Her love's godfather, his would be if he could. Werewolves aren't allowed to be godfathers. And they both turn around to look at the child when Remus and Sirius lean in to share a kiss. Because the ache is still there and they don't think it will ever go away.

And then Dumbledore says they must go into hiding and that someone close to them is a spy for Voldemort. And he says that they must choose a Secret Keeper. And he can't let Remus risk it, and she knows Sirius will want to. And so they insist that he will be their Secret Keeper, though Lily cries herself to sleep some nights, knowing how much risk they're putting him in. And their son's life is at stake and they can't let him die, no matter what.

Lily doesn't cry the night Sirius suggests using him as bait. She knows that it's cruel, but she can't help but be glad that Sirius doesn't trust Remus anymore. She'd seen James next to her, his hands in fists. He'd never let people criticize his Remus. Despite the fact that Remus had never been his. So they have Peter as the Secret Keeper and they hope that no one will find them, because they love their son so much, and they want him safe, and he's the only thing they have that they can say they love anymore.

And when Voldemort came in and James told her to run, she did so without a backwards glance because James is her friend, and she knows that he made this choice long ago. She tugs her baby to her chest and runs, but she can't go far, and she won't let Voldemort touch her baby. Because he is James' baby and her baby, and Sirius' baby and Remus' baby, in his own way, and she can't let them down. And she knows that she made the same choice as James, long ago, and she will die for her baby if she has to.

And she does. And though no one notices, she dies with a smile on her face because she knows that where she is now, she will have a Sirius to love. James has a smile on his face as well, and when Sirius comes in, crying in grief, he misses that smile too. He vows revenge on those who touched his brother, his best friend. And he vows revenge on those who hurt Lily and Harry, because they were James' whole world.

And no one noticed that they never heard them say the words 'I love you'. But Lily was such a reserved person that was all. They were buried together and their gravestone read 'Two people so in love, two hearts so conjoined, two minds so united, two soul-mates find each other'. It was the only thing Remus used his dead friends' inheritance for.

Only one person knew the truth behind the 'love' that Lily and James shared, though they themselves knew not that he knew, and he disliked them both, but owed both his life so said nothing. But he couldn't help but feel that it was more than ironic that the man who wrote those words and spent the money to have them immortalised, was one of the two that had meant Lily and James could never be 'in love'.

But he kept his mouth shut, as he had promised himself, and he decided that love would ruin people. He also found it ironic that people used Lily and James as an example of how love would conquer all, when in fact; he could use it as an argument to the exact opposite. And he doesn't understand how they could be so stupid, because he may not have liked them, but he knew they were intelligent.

But when he falls in love, he laughs at the cosmic irony of life and love and screams at the man he wants to spend the rest of his life with to get out. And when Harry dies trying to kill Voldemort the next day, he decides that Lily and James were just as stupid as he always thought, but maybe he's stupid too, because he can't imagine his life without that annoying Gryffindor prat. So he doesn't have a life without the annoying Gryffindor prat and when they find him with the poison bottle in his hand, they miss his smile as well.

Or maybe they don't. Maybe they never missed the hidden glances, or the sudden tears, or the missed sentiments, or the corpse's smiles. But it's hard to admit to oneself what is really going on. And after all, it is so easy to pretend.


End file.
